Anybody Have a Recipe for Cheetos?

Michael Pollan is such a considerate guy that when he heard that one of my New Year's resolutions was to only eat real food, he published a book called "Food Rules" which provides 64 straightforward rules about how to accomplish that very thing. Some of the rules I already had a pretty good handle on: avoiding things with ingredients I can't pronounce, avoiding fake sugar, avoiding "food-like substances"--foods so processed that someone visiting from, say, 1945, wouldn't recognize them as food. Michael Pollan uses "Go-Gurt" as a prime example-is is food? toothpaste? lube for your go-cart? Eat fruits and vegetables.
The rule that I really liked, and am going to attempt to embrace is: "make your own junk food." Meaning that it's okay to indulge in dessert, french fries, etc., as long as you make it yourself. The idea is that if you make it yourself, you're probably not going to go through the effort to make it all the time and it becomes what it's supposed to be -a treat. I like this idea. Although I know myself, and knowing that I can only eat a dessert that I made will really just mean that I will be making dessert more often, not that I will necessarily eat less of it. My sweet tooth is totally strong enough to overcome the problem of not enough hours in a day. That is its super-power.
When I told Garion about this new household policy, he was immediately on board: "Let's make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies!" That's my boy, always using his head. So that's what we're doing today--making pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and a couple of other easy things (split pea soup from scratch and fresh bread in the bread maker) to get us through the parts of this week where we just won't have time to make real food.
I realized that although a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie is still a cookie, making them myself lets me tweak the recipe. I replaced some of the fat with applesauce, replaced some of the white flour with wheat and coconut flour and used dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate (I'm sure that change right there will add at least a 12 days to our lives). Still a cookie, but maybe a not-as-bad-for-you cookie. And this is how making my own junk food will be better for me--my junk food will not be as bad at the junk food that comes from the store in a bag. The major hitch being that I don't know how to make Cheetos.